The Secret Hater

She told him, “Make sure she’s not strong arming you to be with her, make sure you’re with her because you want to be there, otherwise she’s making you and you’ll end up leaving her, because she doesn’t know how to convince you.”

I have two things to say to that:

1      1. Don’t judge me based on a few phone calls and misconstrued text messages, or the tad bit of information you get from the informer. Even if you watched my whole life before your eyes, you still wouldn’t get a whiff of who I really am. Because you’re just seeing what you believe, you don’t really know me.

2    2. He’s not the one you have to worry about satisfying, I am. I shouldn’t have to convince anyone of anything, it’s just.

She told him. “She’s using her daughter as bait. She’s moving knowing your attachment to her and she knows you’ll follow.”

I have two things to say to that:

1    1. Last I checked he didn’t like kids

2    2. I don’t need to use my child to trap any man, if anything my pride is too huge, in situations like these I’m out to prove I don’t need anyone’s help and a man is the last person I’d count on.

She told him, “Girls don’t usually like men, so if she likes you it’s because her dad is not giving her attention or he’s not around.”

I have two things to say to that:

     1.  My daughter is the most kind hearted person in the world, she see’s good in everyone.

2   2. Her father is very present in her life; you shouldn’t speak on things you don’t know.

If it’s one thing I hate, it’s a nosy, misjudging person. I ask this question everyday why is there a conversation about me when I’m not present? To him I’m self-absorbed, because this conversation is in fact about him, with an inquiring mind about me. So I must excuse her because she is making sure he makes the right choices for the right reasons. Translation, she’s making sure he makes his choices based on her opinions that she keeps pounding in his head.

Well damn, thank God for me, I have faith he will choose his own path and become a man in some way, shape or form. How do you expect so much out of someone if you won’t let them grow up to be a man? So, while I’m strong arming, manipulating, and trying to find a daddy for my daughter, what are you doing to make his life any better?

Let’s get a few things in order:

First of all, I don’t like fake, anything fake, fake hair, fake nails, fake eye brows. I may get curious, but I get tired quick. I don’t like fake people, fake love, fake, emotions, fake character, I may deal with it on some level (cause you can’t really get away from it) but eventually I get bored and I come back to my cubbyhole. So, if I have to result to strong arming someone that’s not true love and I want no parts of it. It has to come from the heart, mind, body, and soul. Which brings me to this, I’m the one you have to worry about walking away, I’m that girl that no one has been able to catch. Like I said you don’t know me, but he does, and he’s keeping me well balanced.

Secondly, considering he doesn’t like children and he’s taking a liking to my child; show’s growth, attachment, discovery from a person who couldn’t identify with the fundamentals for affection in the first place. Look at it as an investment of love, and investment of opening up a door so private it was once hot glued shut. He finally cares about something other than himself and you shut him down for it.

And last but certainly not least, my daughter is so sweet, I have to watch her extra close. They took a special liking to each other very early on and it just stuck. Take it as face value. That’s all there is to it. In addition, my child is not some pawn in a game. It’s not who ever treats her best is the father for her. Her father is very much still involved in her life, and is a huge influence. I don’t need a replacement nor am I looking for a replacement. If I have to bait a man in any shape or form, then I don’t need a man.

I’m not saying I don’t need a man, but I more than want this one. I need him in a sense like I’ve never needed a man before. To love, take care of me, be there for me, to respect me as a woman, humble me, accept me as I am, and take on everything that comes with me, child included. I don’t need him in a sense of being needy but in a sense of knowing it’s okay for my man to be here for me.  My daughter doesn’t need a father, and while he isn’t her father; he is a bonus giving his circumstances and personality. He will always have a position in my daughter’s life as long as he’s willing to accept it. It’s not defined by blood, but by his ability to care.

This is how I know I wouldn’t ever leave him. This man strikes my attention; this man gives me the invisible line I need to keep us connected. Maybe you should finally try looking at him in another light. If I can’t guarantee anything else, you will handicap him if you cannot believe in him as I do.

I quote myself:

“I’d like him to go especially if it promotes growth within him.”

“He teaches me the kind of person I don’t want to be, but also the ability to be sensitive to other people’s feelings. Most importantly I feel like he can better himself with or without me. Whatever happens I believe he is more than capable.”               

I’m not discounting anything positive you said about me, because I was not present for this conversation. But what I once thought to be an alli has now become unreadable. I may not be the ideal but we make a difference in each other lives. That’s more than I can say about any other man I’ve come across.I love him, don't ruin an unveiling.

 ~Rihanna -- Stay